Moms or Super Moms - Part II

After a "particular" chat with my friend today I felt I needed to complete this series. Sometime back I wrote about Indian moms who seem to have turned Super moms in this era. I also mentioned that I haven't noticed many instances of Super moms amongst my western friends. Let's explore some of my observations on this.

Most Indian moms go out of their way to support their kids and give them the best. They do this unselfishly with a good intention. However, most also lose their own identities and their world starts revolving around their children. The sun rises and sets on the child and they cannot look beyond that world for what 10-15 years? Once the child/children start getting independent and want to explore the world on their own the moms suddenly feel at a loss. Either they continue the molly-cuddle and suffocate the child or get depressed that they are not needed. This is true even amongst some of the career moms - especially now when the one-Child @home concept seems to be taking over.

In all this who's at a loss? 1. The mom herself who has stopped viewing life beyond her kid. 2. The husband who might have wandered away or found his own entertainment - drinks or career or friends!

A generation ago this was more relevant with the molly cuddle extending well into the 20s and 30s for men. Most men in India are still pampered by their moms blinded from reality! That's another topic... In my generation women seem to be waking up but, not as much as needed, to look beyond the child. It's difficult to cut the virtual umblical cord which seems to tie one to the child. However, some independence is absolutely necessary.

Most of my western friends have a different approach to bringing up their children. The entire attitude moves from love to indepence. They give them space and do not compromise on their own lifestyles. That's a totally different culture. Is this good or bad? Nothing is good or bad until its comparative and I'm no judge!

So moms out there wake up and take a good look at yourselves. Check if you have your life's mission chalked out? What are doing for yourself? Do you have a couple of hours for yourself? Do you read - expand your knowledge - develop your skills? Do you have any idea what you will do after your children leave the house for further studies? Yes, to all these questions then continue the great lifestyle and encourage your neighborhood moms to follow you.

I also feel that the relationship with the spouse is something which should never be compromised. Never taken for granted - never underestimated - never overlooked. Marriage is to be together for a lifetime and that's the most important relationship for any human. If Indian moms can balance these two and help their children become independent responsible citizens then the next generation of Super moms will flourish too...What say?

Say "No" to Vacations!

That's quite a statement isn't it? How can anyone say No to vacations? This has nothing to do with the economic downturn or trends - it's a very sensitive matter amongst many NRI women.

I observed this first when I moved to Belgium - that most Indian women were reluctant to go home for the annual vacations. Back then I couldn't imagine what was wrong with them but on closer observation I've discovered the reasons. Most of them still dont have a choice but keep praying that they can say No to the next vacation atleast! Sad...

This is a specific case of women who have to go on vacations to India along with their husbands. They prefer going alone with their kids for a couple of months. So what's the difference? Well simple - if they go with their husband the short vacation will be spent entirely or majorly at their in-laws place and they dont get enough time to spend with their parents! I don't need to get into the details of how restricting that can be - it's obvious.

I never realised this was a major problem until I started a little research into this topic. I gathered that this was an opinion shared by most women across the globe. Most of the ladies return from their vacations and say they are dead tired and found it too tiring, disgusting, no time to do anything and overall sick! Poor things have to work more in India on their vacations. They return and fall ill and take sometime to recover from that mental and emotional exhaustion.

It will take another generation before Indian women can stand up to what they think THEY should do...doesnt seem to be happening yet in my generation. Surprising but true - Sad Facts! So most women still shut up or try to put their ideas across and get rejected. It's an age Old story yes! I'm trying to cope with the fact that it continues well into my gen! Real Bugging!

My story is different maybe just one of those few exceptions. Simply have to thank God for that and be content! I can't change the world nor can I help all these women who want to say No...it's upto them to take the step!

Weather Report from Belgium!

Hi! Afternoon Everyone (coz there's nothing good about the afternoon- it is just a plain greeting) and welcome to today's weather report from Brussels, Belgium and I'm Maria Leaeslies! (You may pronounce that at ur own risk.)

- This morning we woke up to the signature Belgian weather and were not surprised that it continues to be DULL, DARK and ofcourse the Chronic Rain never fails to disappoint.

-By noon the DULL weather changed and it became DULLER. Finally there was some change to look forward to and TALK about during the lunch hour.

- By Afternoon the clouds over Brussels moved into Paris so NOW we can see our Hands in front of our face - although trying to VIEW your Feet can still be a Dangerous task and to be avoided.

- The sun is predicted to set by 3.30 (did it RISE?) so kindly carry torchlights when you step out. Althought the streetlights and lamps are on throughout the day sometimes you might need to cough or sneeze and need the torchlight to search for tissues in your purse.

- The night is predicted to be chilly and cold so kindly turn on the heaters from 4pm to start heating the house.

Warnings:

1. The wind is Northerly (blowing from the North Pole maybe) and at 45 to 55km/hr. EVERYONE below 50 kgs weight is requested to carry HEAVY Luggage while walking on the street. AVOID going out if possible but those of you who have to get back home from office kindly hang on to your HEALTHY neighbors for support. CHILDREN are requested to peep out from the safety of their homes and not step out.

2. As there is a constant rain with heavy WINDS there is no point in carrying UMBRELLAS. It is HAZARDOUS and might blow onto oncoming vehicles. Try to wear jackets with hoods and pray that you survive!

Thanks - with that cheery note I shall sign off and meet you in another two hours for more weather updates!

Cheery TIP before I go: Anyone who is feeling depressed contact the Disgustingly Cheerful Soul - SP in Brussels for advice and tips on life!

Moms or Super Moms? - Part 1

As a child I was terrified of my mom or rather her super-efficieny. I used to be amazed at how she managed the house, career, school, events in school, family events, my sis and ofcourse ME. Everything seemed to be sailing smoothly through my awe-struck eyes - with no worries and only thoughts of mischief in my head. Whenever I fell down she used to clean, bandage, hug, kiss and later spank me for attempting to climb the tree and jump from it (ok! good sequence)! When I was the devil-incarnate teenager, she bore that with poise and strict control and simply asked me to go to my room and continue shouting if I wanted to. Wow! Now, she's my best friend, best confidante and we behave like girl friends when we communicate! Her age and retirement have not hampered her spirits and she is extremely busy as an advisor to the top schools in India, runs her own mini-establishment, helps my sister run her life (that's quite something), looks after dad, gives me long distance advice, teaches her grandchildren ethics to live in the society and the list goes on. A simple MOM cannot really describe her and anyone who knows her would agree that she's the top of the tops Super Mom!

The next story is about my sister - I'm younger to her but always had the protective role coz she was considered an innocent lil thing. The entire family was out to protect her from God knows what I dont know - she just inspired that kind of feeling with her innocent face and outlook towards life! However, once she had kids she seemed to progress leaps and bounds from this shell and transformed into a mini-typhoon of energy and activity! She runs her hospital and clinic with strict efficiency, manages the staff, is the center of her household, keeps upgrading her educational certifications, practices her music, teaches music, is the President of her residential block, organizes events and still manages to come back home on time to meet her kids when they come back from school and stuff them with healthy food. Gosh! Listing them has made me tired I really don't know how she manages. Taking after her mom she really has some great enthusiasm to encourage her kids to participate in all extra curricular activities and she dresses them up with care for every party and helps them prepare and win almost every activity. What's this called? Sibling love or super mom? Even with an impartial eye you can't deny that she's doing her best!

Now, that's family and I might be prejudiced and blinded by love. Off late I've been observing my girl friends (Indian origin) closely and getting to understand what's happening to them after they've had kids. AND Lo Behold! What do I observe? Each one of them seems to be excelling in her role as Mom and managing a warm home without compromising on their visions/missions in life! Oooh the examples are many I can't even quote. PP and EG my close girl friends manage their own establishments with a great entrepreneurial spirit while never compromising on the quality of life of their kids. Tradition, religion, ethics, values are all taught to the kids with interest. I was amazed when PP told me her lil kids can sing most religious songs and sit with her while praying - all this even after living in the US! Great reminds me of my childhood although I forgot most songs hmm...

Observing all this my conclusion is that women seem to gain a fighting spirit and seem to want to conquer the world once they have children. There is a marked change in their psyche - everyone talks of hormonal change and physical change but overlook this major change - their Spirit! Once they want to do their best for their kids they seem to develop super natural powers! I suppose with this backdrop the word MOM may safely be replaced by SUPER MOM!

Don't you agree? All Moms are Super moms!

P.S. I haven't observed this marked change in psyche amongst my non-Indian friends and let's discuss that later.