The Outsider, My friend

Well its about Women! Especially women in India! Do u feel like an outsider in your own house? How do u actually feel after u move to a new house? How long does it take to consider Ur in-laws house as your own house? How many days/months/years? Does it ever happen even or is it part of the "have to adjust syndrome" one grows up with.

As a volunteer working with women who faced challenges on the home front I used to hear frequently that they felt like an "Outsider". And this feeling continued for ages until they gave up on trying to become a part and considered themselves as an extension of the family tree necessary for the continuation of the lineage which need not necessarily include their inclusion in the family.

How many husbands understand this. I'm not talking of a nuclear urbanised family. I'm talking of the majority. Things are changing yes I agree too, but how fast and will it ever happen? When my friends or I become mils will we be the same. I don't know that's still another 20 years away so lets not dream about it. For now my generation still faces the same old - age old problem of being considered as "outsiders". Imagine living in a house for a decade and facing daily reminders that u have come from another family. Excuse -us we just chose to live with you'll for the rest of our lives. Where does that go to?

My experience has been different as I knew my in-laws before my marriage and was eagerly welcomed. In fact my mil and I keep discussing such issues as this and what we could do about it. That's interesting coz she gives her views on behalf of her generation and I on behalf of mine. Well atleast these are perspectives. I can take that. Its interesting to understand that a woman forms the core of the family even though its a male dominated society. AND the basic fact is two woman cannot share the same turf. And in most cases the daughter-in-law has to understand that and shut up.

Well even in the circles of urban modern nuclear families think about how many d-i-ls are ready to go to their in-laws place at the drop of the hat.They feel comfortable being where they are and try to reduce as much as possible the dreaded in-laws visit. Or if they are forced to meet they grin and bear it and later come and crib endlessly to anyone who is free to listen. That's the truth accept it.

After so much thought we have to try to come up with solutions. The best solution is learn to grin and bear it. No fights, no harm, no problems and both the ladies are happy. Well I can't face brick bats for that statement but then that's the only tried and tested way of surviving.

Ok Ok Lets think of more reasonable ones. I strongly believe that "U" are the only one who is and can be in control of every situation. U make the world a better place. Try your best and just leave the rest. There are some people whom you cannot change - once you accept that statement deep down you will feel better - much better and try to make you new house your home. It's not called adjusting then its called having tried your best that's all. AND as an educated woman never give up or give in to harassment. It's your life so u better have some control over it.

The world would be a better place if d-i-ls stopped cribbing about their in-laws and the unfair treatment. Lets give our children a safer and better world. Shall we try?

Well I'm open to more suggestions. Tell me more...